The Cycle of Violence
courtesy of the Victims Services at University of Central Florida
The Batterer is: Moody Nitpicking
Isolate her Withdraw affection Put downs Keeps kids quiet,Yelling, Drinking or drugs, Threatens, Destroys property Criticized,
Sullen, Crazy making
Her Response: Attempts to calm him,
Nurturing, Silent /Talkative, Stays away from family & friends, Keeps kids quiet, Agrees, Withdraws, Cooks his favorite
dinner, General feeling of walking on eggshells
The Batterer:Hitting, choking,
Humiliation, imprisonment, Rape, use of weapons, Bating, verbal abuse
Her Response: Protect herself anyway
she can, Police called by her, her kids, neighbors, Tries to calm him, Tries to reason Leaves Fight back
The Batterer:I’m sorry, begs
for forgiveness, promises to get counseling, go to church , AA , hopeful, sends flowers, brings presents, "I’ll never
do it again" wants to make love, declares love, enlists family support, cries
Her Response: agrees to stay, return
or takes him back, attempts to stop legal proceeding ,sets up counseling appointments for him, feels happy, hopeful
How denial works in each stage of the cycle to keep
the cycle going (only by breaking through this denial can the cycle be broken).
She denies it is happening, excuses
it ads some outside stress (work, etc.); blames herself for his behavior, denies that the abuse will worsen. He denies by
blaming the tension on her, work, the traffic, anything; by getting drunk; denies responsibility for his actions.
She denies her injuries, only minor ("I
bruise easily"); did not require police or medical help; blames it on drinking ("he didn’t know what he was doing");
does not label it rape because it was her husband.
He blames it on her, stress, etc. ("She had it coming")
HoneymoonHe also believes that
it won’t happen again.
She minimizes injuries ("It could have
been worse"); believes this is the way it will stay, the man of her dreams, believes his promises.